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Monologue: At times I sit and ask myself, Why am I still
here? There’s so many people who deserve
to still be here, like Malcolm X, Martin Luther King and Jesus. Which put’s the thought in my mind, I must be
in my own personal hell and the place they venture off to is to be envious
of. So the fact my life is still in
function and transition tells me I’ve been a naughty girl not yet worth leaving
this plane yet. Which is a slap in the
face of all that I do. Well in my mind
anyways.
Not to say I don’t want to be here. But living in a world where people think
having the latest fashion accessory is the end all and be all of everything sacred
can get a bit depressing.
I grew up not wanting for anything and not to say I had
everything, just more then what others did (From what I was told). Its just we didn’t have a 3rd
of what we had back then. I mean yea,
Nintendo and Sega was the must haves of
my decade growing up. But it wasn’t a
deal breaker on life, it’s like if you didn’t have the system itself you knew
like 4-5 of your other friends who did.
Now mind you I had Sega and Nintendo.
Its just when you had that there wasn’t much more to feign about. I wasn’t a big fashion freak growing up being
the last out of four girls. I found
myself going out the way to be different.
I ‘ve never wanted to be part of the crowd. You can say I was my “Father’s” Honorary
little boy by choice. I was the one he
woke up at 6 o’clock in the morning to help him cut the grass or take the trash
to the dump. (Yea there was a point in
time we had too do that.)
Kindergarten for me was a fairytale in my head only I’d take
the time to remember. They had the Stop
light system which I always seemed to manager to fail by always being on
red. Not to say I didn’t get in trouble
but it wasn’t the type of trouble to deter you from a life of talking in class
and goofing off or flirting while the teacher is trying to give a lesson.
All I can remember
from that point in time is tuning out my teaching and having the biggest crush
one could ever have on the whitest boy in the room. His name was Brandon. We use to sneak kisses during story time and
hold hands during lunch. They had to separate
us eventually because it became to freakishly obvious that a black girl and a
white boy had fell into puppy love. It
was confusing at the time.
Even, more now. Considering
the lackadaisical way we treat crushes of young children now. Back then you would of thought it was a
crime. Now adays you see Kindergarten
proms and dances and you wonder where was this when I was a child. Im thinking everyone just became more accepting
of the fact that there kids are heterosexual.
I don’t know who can say for sure.
All I do know is that I haven’t felt the same about a white boy
sense. Not to say I wouldn’t date one
but it sure does make it taboo from the first one not working out as I thought
it would. I swore I was going to bear
his children but by the time we made it 8th grade he barely even
remembered he knew me, so much for that.
I grew up believing in my mind there's nothing I cant do if I try.. I've fought ever since I got out the house to hold on to that belief so check out the next monologue to see just how... Peace @Ms_Mobetta #SexInTheHood
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